i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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