I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In America we eat man semen.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
