Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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