I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
