So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
