U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
