i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
