Me too!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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