I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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