Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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