Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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