The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
