he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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