Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
