So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would ride that face into the sunset
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
