once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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