Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
