can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
