i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
