Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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