Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
