Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
