So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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