Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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