friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
