We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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