Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
