how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
