I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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