living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
