so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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