I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Randomize
