Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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