Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
