Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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