btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
