I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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