You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
