Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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