i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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