So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
