oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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