We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
