You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
