At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
