I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
