he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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