Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
