I love black thongs
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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