tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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