I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
