I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
