Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
